If you're wearing flipflops, you're an idiot

(Originally published 8/11/07)

 I subscribe to the ‘it’s November, it’s winter’ school of thought. Whilst I recognise that there are many happy-clappies out there that still insist on wearing flip-flops and like to soften the blow with the ‘autumn’ argument, our seasons have gone to pot (thanks, global warming!) and I’m cold.

But that’s ok, because I like winter. I like it so much I went out and bought the biggest, thickest coat I could find at the end of August. Winter is everybodies friend, and here’s why:

We’re all pale, bleary eyed and your hair doesn’t do what you want. Hungover? Possibly. Ill? Probably. Victim of the seasons? Yes! The bracing wind, rain and snow ensures we all look equally rubbish and puts pay to the jealously felt by those who can’t pull off the lithe golden Goddess look of summer. Mini-skirt? Screw that. Give me the bulkiest jumper you can find.

Food is so much better in winter. Who the hell wants a salad when it’s snowing outside? I’ll have a pie please. A massive pie with everything. And I’ll eat that pie guilt free because, like bears, I need the calories to survive the season. In fact I dread to think what will happen if I don’t eat that pie.

There’s more stuff to do in winter; Halloween, Bonfire Night, Christmas, etc. What do we have in the summer? A bank holiday. Woo. I suppose I’m a bit of a nostalgic at heart, but I like fireworks. They’re pretty. And I like Christmas, because if I didn’t then I’d be dead inside.

Finally, and of course, there’s snow. Everyone gets excited about the possibility of snow, even the BBC, and they’re all serious and stuff. You know what I’m talking about: You’re just ambling around the house (probably eating a pie) and someone shrieks ‘It’s SNOWING!’ and you all rush to the window and hold hands and sing Christmas carols? Ok, I’m kidding about that last bit (it’s nowhere near Christmas yet), but even the most hardened, cynical old git has the teeniest tiniest urge to run outside and make a snowman and throw snowballs at the neighbours cat.

So there it is. Winter is awesome, and even the most prolific S.A.D sufferers can release their light boxes from their sweaty clutches and find something good about the season.

And by the way, I’ve not put on weight; it’s just my huge jumper. ALRIGHT?

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