I confess, I’ve never been particularly ‘on-trend’ when it comes to fashion. I wear what I like and I know what suits me, and I’m of the belief that if my usual jeans and t-shirt get up makes me some kind of inferior person, then quite frankly all of society is doomed.
Nonetheless, I know what’s ‘In’ from one season to the next – partially due to the magazines I read, mainly due to the number of women I see sporting said trends. Imagine my disbelief, then, when I found that the catwalk’s current offerings centre around a sea-faring theme. Yes ladies, nautical is now. Perusing the shelves of Topshop yesterday I encountered more navy stripes and jaunty neckerchiefs than you’d find in a tacky musical. Still, who am I to judge the phenomenon of fashion trendsetting? Not long ago it was all about gypsy skirts and now look where we are.
Anyway, as I scoured the shelves in the hopes of finding something a little less Village People, I overheard two girls discussing one particular top. “That’s vile,” one girl said. “Who would wear something like that?” I breathed a sigh of relief – I wasn’t alone in my scorn!
“Actually,” the other girl interjected, “If you wore a cinch belt and a pair of cowboy boots you could make it work.” A cinch belt? Cowboy boots? What ‘look’ would that spawn? Suddenly I had a vision of these two girls as Victorian sea-faring hillbillies, exploring the seven the seas with dainty cameo brooches crushed under the weight of lassos slung merrily over their shoulders. Yarr.
I later rang a friend to regale them in this nautical-related fashion nonsense, to which she was very receptive. Yes, the nautical trend is ridiculous. Yes, these girls clearly dress themselves in the dark, and so on. However, I somehow revealed that I do not, nor have ever, owned a cinch belt. “You don’t own a cinch belt?” she screeched down the phone. “How do you do volume?!”
I sighed. “Never mind.”