The Fashion Victim is Dead, Long Live the Fashion Victim

I confess, I’ve never been particularly ‘on-trend’ when it comes to fashion. I wear what I like and I know what suits me, and I’m of the belief that if my usual jeans and t-shirt get up makes me some kind of inferior person, then quite frankly all of society is doomed.

Nonetheless, I know what’s ‘In’ from one season to the next – partially due to the magazines I read, mainly due to the number of women I see sporting said trends. Imagine my disbelief, then, when I found that the catwalk’s current offerings I'm sure I had this t-shirt when I was fivecentre around a sea-faring theme. Yes ladies, nautical is now. Perusing the shelves of Topshop yesterday I encountered more navy stripes and jaunty neckerchiefs than you’d find in a tacky musical. Still, who am I to judge the phenomenon of fashion trendsetting? Not long ago it was all about gypsy skirts and now look where we are.

Anyway, as I scoured the shelves in the hopes of finding something a little less Village People, I overheard two girls discussing one particular top. “That’s vile,” one girl said. “Who would wear something like that?” I breathed a sigh of relief – I wasn’t alone in my scorn!

“Actually,” the other girl interjected, “If you wore a cinch belt and a pair of cowboy boots you could make it work.” A cinch belt? Cowboy boots? What ‘look’ would that spawn? Suddenly I had a vision of these two girls as Victorian sea-faring hillbillies, exploring the seven the seas with dainty cameo brooches crushed under the weight of lassos slung merrily over their shoulders. Yarr.

I later rang a friend to regale them in this nautical-related fashion nonsense, to which she was very receptive. Yes, the nautical trend is ridiculous. Yes, these girls clearly dress themselves in the dark, and so on. However, I somehow revealed that I do not, nor have ever, owned a cinch belt. “You don’t own a cinch belt?” she screeched down the phone. “How do you do volume?!”

I sighed. “Never mind.”


4 thoughts on “The Fashion Victim is Dead, Long Live the Fashion Victim

  1. I did embarrassing out loud laughing to that (luckily with only Murph to hear)

    But it brings up one extremely important question… How the eff can you afford to shop in Topshop?!

  2. You’ve just made myself and Lynn realise that we’re both in the cinch belt club at the mo….I’m wearing one, and she’s got one in her bag. Damn. Well, mines a few seasons old. Does that make me vintage? I wish I could keep up with the bastard trends.

    Nautical is so ridiculous. It’s going to go the way of the gladiator sandal hopefully….ie, it will end up in the bargain bins within a month. Neckerchiefs? No thanks.

  3. Pete says:

    Royal navy chic eh?

    Last time I saw that it was on a middle-aged woman in 1992. Gawd bless cyclical revivals.

    I’m high on Libertines musical related news. Shazaaaaaam.

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